Bridges A Flame

My last blog might have been a little hurtful to some people. I want you all to know I no longer will be handing out advice to those I don't think can handle it. So I hope you the best in your lives and I hope the lies the fake people in your live give you make you happy. I am happy with my life and I am happy to say I found the one person in the world that truly loves me for me and I love him for him. I hope all my friends the same happiness in their lives no matter what they need to get it. I just want everyone to know that I tried my best for many years to be a honest friend that would tell you like it is even if that may hurt you. Does that sound like a bad or good thing to you? Well if you are the one that said it was a bad thing you are in luck because I am done giving you my unwanted advice and support. All I have ever did was try to make you realize that you are great in your own way and that you should never let others take that away from you. I have watched many of you let people bring you down or watch you lie to yourself about who and what you are, and when I gave you my much needed advice and support you took advantage of it or you turned your back. We are still friends but things have changed between all of us. This blog my seem a little dramatic to some but it is my honest opinion and views on everything. No one is perfect but you can only let people walk on you for so long before you can't take it any more. Bridges are on fire and on the verge of being burnt and I have no intentions of putting out the flames. This is not the next chapter in my life this is the end of that story and the beginning of a brand new book. Goodbye to all the fake people hello to the unknown. Whoever tags along I won't stop but that doesn't mean you belong here remember that. Think of all the things in the past that we have done for each other and how one sided it was. I never expected anyone to give as much as me I just wish you didn't take as much as you did. I have said this before and I will say it again I can not continue to help people that can't help themselves. Every time I think I helped you out of a hole you dig a new one and dive in head first. You are your own worst enemy and until you can learn to help yourself stop running around with your hand out. I am not the only person that feels this way and other people will get sick of helping you if you don't grow up. We are not kids anymore I can't fight your battles anymore so from now on only start battles you know you can win. I truly love my friends but like they say"if you love something let it go". You're free from my "judgment" and "bitching" as you so nicely like to put it and if that's what my friendship is to u then why are you my friend? Think long and hard before you comment on this or anything I post on FB because unless you want the world to know who you are and you want to man up and take credit for your wrong doings then don't comment. You can call me out on whatever you want but you better be honest because if you spread lies about me then that burning bridge will become our battleground and we will go down in flames together. Good Luck! Peace out thanks for reading.

Confrontational

I guess that's the best word to describe myself other then calling myself a bitch. I know I am confrontational and I know I say things I probably should't but I am better now then I used to be does that count for anything. I try to keep most my "drama" away from home. I have a happy life with my family and I don't let some FB drama ruin my day. Most the time that people say I start drama I'm just being honest with people then they get mad because they didn't want to hear the truth they wanted someone to powder their butts and tell them everything is gonna get better. Well, I;m not the right person to be friends with if you want false sympathy. Also, if someone attacks me on your FB and I defend myself don't get pissed and say I started that drama I was just defending myself. When I comment on peoples stuff it is directed towards that person or whatever person I tagged in it the rest of the readers can ignore it for all I care. I started this blog because my posts on FB were offending too many people. Why are people scared to be honest about whats going on. I encourage all my friends to write whatever they are feeling even if those feelings pertain to something I did on FB. I want for everyone on my FB to know why I say or do the "mean" things I do. Once you hear my side of the story you will understand, you may not agree but you will understand why I do things the way I do. Sugar coating things and giving false sympathy isn't helping people with their troubles. If you ask my advice be prepared for the harsh truths of life. I know when to be nice about harsh truths but I will never sugar coat it. We are not children that need to be pampered we are adults that need to face reality no matter how cruel are painful reality may be. The world seems like a wonderful place and it can be once you learn to accept that pain, loss, and heartache are all part of it. You will live past low points in your life as long as you don't dwell on the what ifs and what might be's in your life. Move on and make the most of what you have. All of us need someone in our lives that will be honest even if that honesty hurts or causes fights. I am that person to my friends and I know I have a few friends that are 100% honest with me most the time lol. I will give advice to anyone that asks for it but just remember that my honesty can be mean and you may not be ready for the truth. Also if you don't want your dirty laundry on FB then don't make statuses that call out your own dirty laundry. How are people on FB supposed to know what not to say to vague ass status updates damn be more specific.I may be confrontational but I try to get along with people for the most part. I give everyone the chance to get to know me as I get to know them before I decide if I like them. I just want people to tell me straight up if they like me or not don't be all nice to my face and then talk crap behind my back. What does that accomplish? I don't have very many people I hang out with because I come off a little intimidating (well thats what I'm told anyway). Also I don't like letting people get too close to me because then that gives people the chance to screw me over and I don't trust easily. I have lost countless friends because they didn't want to hear what I had to say or they have screwed me over and I won't give them another chance to do that. So I am happy with the few people in my life I may bitch about them but no one gets along 100% of the time. So I will speak my mind and be who I am. So until next time Peace Out! If anything I say in my blog offends, enlightens, or just intrigues you please comment I would love to talk further on that. 

Haters Gonna Hate

I have the worst luck with people. Well I guess I wouldn't say it that way I guess I mean people can't handle me very well lol. I don't care if every person on my FB deleted me right now I would just be like WTF and then move on. Don't get me wrong I care about my friends and family but I don't need social media to care about the people I care about, but social media makes keeping in touch easier that's why I use it. Anyway I got a little side tracked there, if you decide to delete me and block me on FB with no explanation I'm thinking maybe you weren't my friend to begin with. Also, its nice to talk crap about me to my friends because then I get to hear about how much of a two faced jerk you really are. I hate that I try to give advice and listen when people need someone to talk then get stabbed in the back. Anything bad I have ever said about my friends to anyone I have said to their faces I'm not scared of confrontation. I tell people like it is sometimes I may word it different so it doesn't come out so hurtful but in the end I say what I feel. People need to hear the truth even if it hurts them. I am not perfect by any means and I encourage my friends to be honest with me even if it is something I may not want to hear at the time but one point I need to hear it. To all you people that talk crap behind my back grow a pair and say that shit to my face. Also I'm sick of all these half truths that you all throw around. You are just telling the parts of the story that make you look good WTF. I'm not mad I am just sick of people coming to me saying oh so and so said this about you or look at these screenshots of a conversation I had with some bitch that likes to run her mouth behind your back. Why do people have to talk shit behind my back am I that scary that they can't say it to me? If so then right on I am a scary bitch my work here is done lol. FB is like high school its all drama and sometimes funny or crazy stuff happens. So as long as things are entertaining I'll keep my FB and keep sharing memories with people that actually have lives other then just starting drama and making out with their cats because they can't keep a man and no one in their right mind wants a bitch that sounds like a pug with asthma when she breaths. Oops, started to rant a little there hehehehe. What I really want to do is write the names of all the people that have pissed me off here lately and enlist anyone that reads this to make those peoples life a living hell but I won't because I like having this blog and my FB and I don't want to get deleted. So I guess I'll be a good girl and keep my cool until the time comes and these people actually try to talk to me then I can let them hear how I really feel about them. So to all my readers thanks again for reading my crazy blog and keep coming back. feel free to share this on any social media that you have I would love for EVERYONE to read my blog. So until next time Peace Out! 

I'm Crazy

I'm not writing this for people to feel sorry for me or tell me I;m not crazy. I know I am crazy I feel everyone is a little crazy in their own way. I live in this fantasy of how I think things should be and how they actually are. Everyone wants their happily ever after but no one told you that you will have to work your ass off to get it. I'm happy with where my life is right now, is it perfect, no not at all. I have bills I can't pay and my kids can be brats most the time but I love my kids and my boyfriend. Speaking of boyfriend, I am so in love with my boyfriend but I worry 24/7 that I am gonna loose him. See my happily ever after is a little askew. Worry is a major part of why I know I'm crazy I worry about things more then most people do. I feel that I need to know whats going on with everyone around me. Not in a gossip kind of way, I just need control and when things are not under my control I feel a little stressed. I love my family and I love having them around me but I get stressed out easily when things don't go as planned most the time I hold my composure but sometimes I loose it and can't hold my cool. I'm just happy I have friends and family that stick around even after they see me loose my cool and look like a crazy person. Back to my worrying, I worry about things all the time they eat away at me. Nothing is guaranteed in this world. I know worrying about things wont make it any better and believe me I am working hard on not worrying about things that are out of my hands and just enjoy the here and now. This is a hard task for me especially when it has to do with relationships. The happier I am the more worried I seem to be. For example I have never loved someone as much as Nic (I know you are thinking "OMG shut up about your man already" but this is the best description for my worry) yet I worry all the time that I'm not good enough for him and that when he finds a girl better then me my whole world will come crumbling down and I'll loose him forever. No matter how many times he tells me he loves me and wants to be with me forever I just have this worry in the back of my head that eats away at me until I start thinking it may happen. I also worry that I'm not a good enough parent I try my hardest to do what I can for my kids yet I feel like its never enough. (That may be a fear of most parents lol) Life is just full of worries for me yet I don't let those worries stop me from getting and doing the things I want. If I let this stop me from doing or having all these things then I wouldn't have a life. I want to live my life to the fullest. This means my life will be full of failures and disappointments but also great adventures and amazing moments and memories. Think of it this way what if you could meet your true love I mean the love of your life your soul mate, but the catch is you can only spend one year together before they would die. Would you still want to meet that person? I know I would because that would be the best year of my life and ever moment we spend together will stay with me forever and the worry of loosing that person wouldn't matter in those moments. The fear and worry I have suck but I wouldn't give up anything in my life because of that worry or fear. I love all my family and friends and hope you all do the amazing things that scare you and make you worry because I know I will and am. well until next time Peace Out!

Life

There is a million things I could/should be doing yet all I want to do is write in this blog. About what you may ask, I don't know. I just sometimes get the urge to write and yet ideas rush thru my head until I sit and start typing. Why does this happen? I could be outside on this nice day doing stuff,"what stuff?", I'm not sure because I am not in the mood to be around people right now. I have had a head ache from all the things going thru my brain I don't want to talk about it but sometimes talking helps. Well writing helps because I don't have to say anything to actually get my feelings and  thoughts across. If I try to talk to people I end up crying or getting interrupted which defeats the whole purpose. So here I go I guess..........................

I worry all the time that everything I cherish will be ripped away from me. I know that is a fear everyone has but I let this fear rule a lot of my behavior which I know is unhealthy. I am working hard at making my family a whole and keeping the best people in my life while eliminating the ones that don't really care. More and more I am distancing myself from all the things I have done in my past that I do not want to repeat. I'm done with all the childish bullshit that for so long ruled my life. My family is my number one and always has been. I have a great boyfriend that cares for me and my children as much as I care for him and his son. I have moved back to the area that I have always referred to as my home. The area that my father lives in and I have some great and crazy memories of. Never growing up did I ever think I would want to live in this area, but I do. It may not be the best place in the world but it is my place of comfort. I am happier now then I have ever been and it is thanks to my boyfriend Nic he is amazing. All of this greatness in my life has a shadow in the background thou. I moved on with my life and in the wake of all this I lost a very dear friend. He died and I feel like I should have did more for him, to help him out of the rut he had gotten himself in. I keep beating myself up thinking of all the "what ifs" but none of that will bring him back. So I decided to write about it and hopefully relieve myself of some of this guilt I feel. Deep down I know none of it was my fault but I have always been the person that beats themselves up over the "what ifs". After my friends memorial service I went out with friends thinking that would make me feel better but it didn't. I just wish I would have went home and been alone with my boyfriend. I had a good time going out but the whole time I was thinking "I shouldn't be having fun I should be grieving my loss". I will never make that mistake again. That "fun" night is forever remembered with the death of my friend and the tears I shed that day.  I have friends I really do and I know they have the best intentions in mind when they try to help me but it doesn't always work out that way. All their hugs and warm sentiments don't help me with my problems. My Friends are always there for me when I need them but they don't know how to not be there when I don't need them. I bet you any money they will take this whole thing as an insult and be worried I am mad at them in one way or another. They are too sensitive. I am far from sensitive. I believe in tough love and telling people like it is. I also adore my alone time (which my friends like to intrude on most times). I am different that's the only way I can describe it and people have a hard time understanding my actions. Enough about my friends............. Everyone just need to know I am happy with my life and I know how to take care of myself. Space is what I need and it is what I have here. I do not run from my problems because all my problems have followed me but I have a new perspective on them and it looks so much more manageable from here. So until next time stay cool and leave me some comments people google+ is not the enemy lol.

Ups and Downs of Friendship

I have very few friends for very good reasons, but having very few friends means when someone dies or moves away you have even less. I don't trust easily or let people in without really getting to know them and even then I am not completely an open book. I don't make friends easily. The friends I have I have known for years, A LOT of years. We go thru ups and downs together and I am grateful for my friends because I am not an easy person to deal with. I am honest but sometimes my honesty comes off rude and judging. I don't judge everyone has the right to make their own decisions but if you ask my opinion about something I tell you exactly how I feel about it. Sometimes my opinion causes fights between my friends and myself but we never fight for long. I am always there for my friends and they are considered family in my eyes, but if you fuck me over too many times I will tell you were to go and forgiving I may do easy but getting my trust back is another thing. When I say I am done with someone that's it. That means I gave you countless times to make it up to me and all you have done is dug your grave. I am not a nice person I am also hard on people. That's because I feel people don't learn from kindness people need that firm hand in life that will be brutally honest with them and I have no problem filling those shoes. No one ever babied me nothing was ever handed to me and I feel like I'm a stronger person for that. People that have had everything handed to them don't know how to live on their own (truly on there own). I'm not saying these people haven't went thru hard times I'm saying that when life gets hard they turn to others to make it easier. Most my friends are like this and they don't even realize it. All my friends have went thru hard times in one way or another, I mean harder situations then most people could handle, they are all strong in their own ways. All my friends are helpful to me in one way or another. I feel like I am the mother type to my friends. I am the one that tells them that was a stupid idea while I let them cry it off on my shoulder. So as hard on my friends as I am they know I care and that I am the way I am and it all makes sense in the end. I'm not a religious person by know means (some of my friends are) yet I believe in astrology and I believe no matter what religion you are YOU have the power to change things. No matter what "GOD" you may or may not believe in we should all be understanding to each others beliefs. How does this have anything to do with my friends you may ask well my friends and I are of all different backgrounds and yet we never fight about religion, race, sexual preference, or any other thing that keeps people separated. We are who we are and we just accept each other as we are. Family isn't always blood it is love for people that may be different then you and that not mattering. So to all the people I call my true friends I love you and thank you for dealing with my crazy all these years. 

What to talk about?

I sure could use some feedback from the people that read this. Of course there is only like 2 people that read this lmao. Oh well what do you few want me to blog about? I haven't had anything to rant about in the last few days. My life is going well with my boyfriend and things are on track, for the most part, with my kids. I love my lil family I have now well I guess 6 isn't a lil family lol. 4 kid 2 adults but I love all of them and wouldn't trade them for the world. I haven't really talked to to many off my friends. They all have crazy shit going on. Sick family members and bad breakups. I just try to be supportive without getting in the middle of things. Well that's all for now stay cool and comment away people.