Confrontational

I guess that's the best word to describe myself other then calling myself a bitch. I know I am confrontational and I know I say things I probably should't but I am better now then I used to be does that count for anything. I try to keep most my "drama" away from home. I have a happy life with my family and I don't let some FB drama ruin my day. Most the time that people say I start drama I'm just being honest with people then they get mad because they didn't want to hear the truth they wanted someone to powder their butts and tell them everything is gonna get better. Well, I;m not the right person to be friends with if you want false sympathy. Also, if someone attacks me on your FB and I defend myself don't get pissed and say I started that drama I was just defending myself. When I comment on peoples stuff it is directed towards that person or whatever person I tagged in it the rest of the readers can ignore it for all I care. I started this blog because my posts on FB were offending too many people. Why are people scared to be honest about whats going on. I encourage all my friends to write whatever they are feeling even if those feelings pertain to something I did on FB. I want for everyone on my FB to know why I say or do the "mean" things I do. Once you hear my side of the story you will understand, you may not agree but you will understand why I do things the way I do. Sugar coating things and giving false sympathy isn't helping people with their troubles. If you ask my advice be prepared for the harsh truths of life. I know when to be nice about harsh truths but I will never sugar coat it. We are not children that need to be pampered we are adults that need to face reality no matter how cruel are painful reality may be. The world seems like a wonderful place and it can be once you learn to accept that pain, loss, and heartache are all part of it. You will live past low points in your life as long as you don't dwell on the what ifs and what might be's in your life. Move on and make the most of what you have. All of us need someone in our lives that will be honest even if that honesty hurts or causes fights. I am that person to my friends and I know I have a few friends that are 100% honest with me most the time lol. I will give advice to anyone that asks for it but just remember that my honesty can be mean and you may not be ready for the truth. Also if you don't want your dirty laundry on FB then don't make statuses that call out your own dirty laundry. How are people on FB supposed to know what not to say to vague ass status updates damn be more specific.I may be confrontational but I try to get along with people for the most part. I give everyone the chance to get to know me as I get to know them before I decide if I like them. I just want people to tell me straight up if they like me or not don't be all nice to my face and then talk crap behind my back. What does that accomplish? I don't have very many people I hang out with because I come off a little intimidating (well thats what I'm told anyway). Also I don't like letting people get too close to me because then that gives people the chance to screw me over and I don't trust easily. I have lost countless friends because they didn't want to hear what I had to say or they have screwed me over and I won't give them another chance to do that. So I am happy with the few people in my life I may bitch about them but no one gets along 100% of the time. So I will speak my mind and be who I am. So until next time Peace Out! If anything I say in my blog offends, enlightens, or just intrigues you please comment I would love to talk further on that. 

Life

There is a million things I could/should be doing yet all I want to do is write in this blog. About what you may ask, I don't know. I just sometimes get the urge to write and yet ideas rush thru my head until I sit and start typing. Why does this happen? I could be outside on this nice day doing stuff,"what stuff?", I'm not sure because I am not in the mood to be around people right now. I have had a head ache from all the things going thru my brain I don't want to talk about it but sometimes talking helps. Well writing helps because I don't have to say anything to actually get my feelings and  thoughts across. If I try to talk to people I end up crying or getting interrupted which defeats the whole purpose. So here I go I guess..........................

I worry all the time that everything I cherish will be ripped away from me. I know that is a fear everyone has but I let this fear rule a lot of my behavior which I know is unhealthy. I am working hard at making my family a whole and keeping the best people in my life while eliminating the ones that don't really care. More and more I am distancing myself from all the things I have done in my past that I do not want to repeat. I'm done with all the childish bullshit that for so long ruled my life. My family is my number one and always has been. I have a great boyfriend that cares for me and my children as much as I care for him and his son. I have moved back to the area that I have always referred to as my home. The area that my father lives in and I have some great and crazy memories of. Never growing up did I ever think I would want to live in this area, but I do. It may not be the best place in the world but it is my place of comfort. I am happier now then I have ever been and it is thanks to my boyfriend Nic he is amazing. All of this greatness in my life has a shadow in the background thou. I moved on with my life and in the wake of all this I lost a very dear friend. He died and I feel like I should have did more for him, to help him out of the rut he had gotten himself in. I keep beating myself up thinking of all the "what ifs" but none of that will bring him back. So I decided to write about it and hopefully relieve myself of some of this guilt I feel. Deep down I know none of it was my fault but I have always been the person that beats themselves up over the "what ifs". After my friends memorial service I went out with friends thinking that would make me feel better but it didn't. I just wish I would have went home and been alone with my boyfriend. I had a good time going out but the whole time I was thinking "I shouldn't be having fun I should be grieving my loss". I will never make that mistake again. That "fun" night is forever remembered with the death of my friend and the tears I shed that day.  I have friends I really do and I know they have the best intentions in mind when they try to help me but it doesn't always work out that way. All their hugs and warm sentiments don't help me with my problems. My Friends are always there for me when I need them but they don't know how to not be there when I don't need them. I bet you any money they will take this whole thing as an insult and be worried I am mad at them in one way or another. They are too sensitive. I am far from sensitive. I believe in tough love and telling people like it is. I also adore my alone time (which my friends like to intrude on most times). I am different that's the only way I can describe it and people have a hard time understanding my actions. Enough about my friends............. Everyone just need to know I am happy with my life and I know how to take care of myself. Space is what I need and it is what I have here. I do not run from my problems because all my problems have followed me but I have a new perspective on them and it looks so much more manageable from here. So until next time stay cool and leave me some comments people google+ is not the enemy lol.

I Don't Handle Loss Well

I LOST MY FRIEND TODAY! 

R.I.P. Darrick Flippo

I lost my friend today and I don't know what to do. I have not cried yet only because I have kept myself busy and kept my mind off it. But the day will come and I will break down. I don't think people understood how much I cared for Darrick. He was my friend but there was more to us only he understood it so it is pointless to explain it. It wasn't romantic love but it wasn't like brother sister either. It was more then all that. Oh well I don't like talking about all this so I'm gonna end this by saying........... Whatever is on the other side for us I know I will see you there because only a place full of my friends would I want to be. See you in the next life. Love you my dear friend!

If you want to help fund his funeral please click the link below or share it with others thank you so much for any support

Final arrangements