I'm Crazy

I'm not writing this for people to feel sorry for me or tell me I;m not crazy. I know I am crazy I feel everyone is a little crazy in their own way. I live in this fantasy of how I think things should be and how they actually are. Everyone wants their happily ever after but no one told you that you will have to work your ass off to get it. I'm happy with where my life is right now, is it perfect, no not at all. I have bills I can't pay and my kids can be brats most the time but I love my kids and my boyfriend. Speaking of boyfriend, I am so in love with my boyfriend but I worry 24/7 that I am gonna loose him. See my happily ever after is a little askew. Worry is a major part of why I know I'm crazy I worry about things more then most people do. I feel that I need to know whats going on with everyone around me. Not in a gossip kind of way, I just need control and when things are not under my control I feel a little stressed. I love my family and I love having them around me but I get stressed out easily when things don't go as planned most the time I hold my composure but sometimes I loose it and can't hold my cool. I'm just happy I have friends and family that stick around even after they see me loose my cool and look like a crazy person. Back to my worrying, I worry about things all the time they eat away at me. Nothing is guaranteed in this world. I know worrying about things wont make it any better and believe me I am working hard on not worrying about things that are out of my hands and just enjoy the here and now. This is a hard task for me especially when it has to do with relationships. The happier I am the more worried I seem to be. For example I have never loved someone as much as Nic (I know you are thinking "OMG shut up about your man already" but this is the best description for my worry) yet I worry all the time that I'm not good enough for him and that when he finds a girl better then me my whole world will come crumbling down and I'll loose him forever. No matter how many times he tells me he loves me and wants to be with me forever I just have this worry in the back of my head that eats away at me until I start thinking it may happen. I also worry that I'm not a good enough parent I try my hardest to do what I can for my kids yet I feel like its never enough. (That may be a fear of most parents lol) Life is just full of worries for me yet I don't let those worries stop me from getting and doing the things I want. If I let this stop me from doing or having all these things then I wouldn't have a life. I want to live my life to the fullest. This means my life will be full of failures and disappointments but also great adventures and amazing moments and memories. Think of it this way what if you could meet your true love I mean the love of your life your soul mate, but the catch is you can only spend one year together before they would die. Would you still want to meet that person? I know I would because that would be the best year of my life and ever moment we spend together will stay with me forever and the worry of loosing that person wouldn't matter in those moments. The fear and worry I have suck but I wouldn't give up anything in my life because of that worry or fear. I love all my family and friends and hope you all do the amazing things that scare you and make you worry because I know I will and am. well until next time Peace Out!