Memories

Do you ever think of those movies from when you were younger that just ripped your heart out every time you watched them yet you watched them over and over? I have a few movies that as a teen I watched a million times and each time I watched them I was on the verge of tears by the end. Two movies I can think of right off the top of my head that still make me feel that way as an adult,

they are The Crow (1994) staring Brandon Lee and Foxfire (1996) staring Angelina Jolie. I absolutely loved these movies and still to this day I tear up watching them. These movies also hold a lot of memories. Between 1994-1998 I have some crazy good memories. Back then I thought I had the greatest friends and I felt like I didn't have a worry in the world. These movies hold all the feelings I was feeling then. I have owned these movies multiple times yet they always come up missing so I go out and buy them again cuz I just love them that much. It is crazy how a movie can hold such meaning to someone. It is just a bunch of actors playing a role it's not real yet it hurts the same when something sad happens. I love movies and music very much. They are the two things in the world that bring up memories the most when I watch/listen to them. We cling to the best memories in our lives but it seems only the worst memories stick out the most. I feel like the good memories need more triggers then bad ones. Bad memories haunt us with no trigger needed but good memories always come to us when we see, smell, hear, or feel something that makes our brains jump to the time in our lives when something amazing happened. These two movies may bring tears to my eyes when I watch them but they bring so many good memories that it is worth the sadness that comes with the stories. So my readers what movies/ music or other things trigger those good memories for you? What's your favorite genre of movies/music? Leave me some comments and share my blog with everyone. Thanks for reading and until next time Peace Out ☮ 

High and mighty parents

I hate parents that think they are better then other parents because they raise their kids different then each other. I also hate parents that think their kids are perfect little angels that can do no wrong. Who the hell do you think you are. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. Being a parent is different for every child because each child is an individual and their needs very. It's a hit and miss game that you will never get 100% right. I will never judge someone on their parenting skills unless they are harming the children in some way. Just like some people aren't cut out to be parents but don't realize it until they pop out a kid. You shouldn't force people to take care of children they don't want they will take it out on the kid. Enough about that it's a whole different topic. I'm far from perfect but I'm trying my hardest to be the best parent I can. No one has the right to judge or criticize me. I also hate parents that act like they are the best parents but they never have their kids with them or always have someone watching the kids. I understand getting a sitter for when you're at work or you need a break and want to go out one night but not all the time. I really hate parents that deny the other parent visitation time with their kid when both parents are good parents and want to be in their child's life. Joint custody should always be awarded when both parents are capable and want to be in their kids lives. Now dead beat parents are a whole other story lol. I love all my kids very much and I love my lil family no matter how messed up and weird it may seem to others we are all happy. So till next time peace out.

Oh I know this post may sound judging but I don't care cuz it's my blog lol

I found my true love

I have the greatest boyfriend in the world. I have never loved someone as much as I love this man. Everyday I'm thankful to have found him. He is the sweetest, sexiest, caring, funny, amazing person I have ever met. I'm so happy to be spending the rest of my life with this man. The best part is he feels the same for me as I do him. All my life all I wanted is to have a family of my own and be happy. Together we make a whole family ( a family of 6 lol ). Apart we were just halves lost in life, together we are a whole found in each others embrace. I know we will have ups and downs but we communicate so well that I know we will make it thru anything that is thrown at us. All the things I thought were important in my past have somehow merged with his and together we have changed into the people we were always meant to be. Don't take that wrong we have not asked each other to change in anyway shape or form we truly love each other just the way we are and that is the best feeling I have ever felt. I have been in a few relationships but none of them have felt this right before. I think all my choices in life have brought us together so I do not regret anything. I am happy, happier then can be! I have found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Together we will take on the world. I love you Nic DeBeneditto and that will never change.

Life

There is a million things I could/should be doing yet all I want to do is write in this blog. About what you may ask, I don't know. I just sometimes get the urge to write and yet ideas rush thru my head until I sit and start typing. Why does this happen? I could be outside on this nice day doing stuff,"what stuff?", I'm not sure because I am not in the mood to be around people right now. I have had a head ache from all the things going thru my brain I don't want to talk about it but sometimes talking helps. Well writing helps because I don't have to say anything to actually get my feelings and  thoughts across. If I try to talk to people I end up crying or getting interrupted which defeats the whole purpose. So here I go I guess..........................

I worry all the time that everything I cherish will be ripped away from me. I know that is a fear everyone has but I let this fear rule a lot of my behavior which I know is unhealthy. I am working hard at making my family a whole and keeping the best people in my life while eliminating the ones that don't really care. More and more I am distancing myself from all the things I have done in my past that I do not want to repeat. I'm done with all the childish bullshit that for so long ruled my life. My family is my number one and always has been. I have a great boyfriend that cares for me and my children as much as I care for him and his son. I have moved back to the area that I have always referred to as my home. The area that my father lives in and I have some great and crazy memories of. Never growing up did I ever think I would want to live in this area, but I do. It may not be the best place in the world but it is my place of comfort. I am happier now then I have ever been and it is thanks to my boyfriend Nic he is amazing. All of this greatness in my life has a shadow in the background thou. I moved on with my life and in the wake of all this I lost a very dear friend. He died and I feel like I should have did more for him, to help him out of the rut he had gotten himself in. I keep beating myself up thinking of all the "what ifs" but none of that will bring him back. So I decided to write about it and hopefully relieve myself of some of this guilt I feel. Deep down I know none of it was my fault but I have always been the person that beats themselves up over the "what ifs". After my friends memorial service I went out with friends thinking that would make me feel better but it didn't. I just wish I would have went home and been alone with my boyfriend. I had a good time going out but the whole time I was thinking "I shouldn't be having fun I should be grieving my loss". I will never make that mistake again. That "fun" night is forever remembered with the death of my friend and the tears I shed that day.  I have friends I really do and I know they have the best intentions in mind when they try to help me but it doesn't always work out that way. All their hugs and warm sentiments don't help me with my problems. My Friends are always there for me when I need them but they don't know how to not be there when I don't need them. I bet you any money they will take this whole thing as an insult and be worried I am mad at them in one way or another. They are too sensitive. I am far from sensitive. I believe in tough love and telling people like it is. I also adore my alone time (which my friends like to intrude on most times). I am different that's the only way I can describe it and people have a hard time understanding my actions. Enough about my friends............. Everyone just need to know I am happy with my life and I know how to take care of myself. Space is what I need and it is what I have here. I do not run from my problems because all my problems have followed me but I have a new perspective on them and it looks so much more manageable from here. So until next time stay cool and leave me some comments people google+ is not the enemy lol.

Ups and Downs of Friendship

I have very few friends for very good reasons, but having very few friends means when someone dies or moves away you have even less. I don't trust easily or let people in without really getting to know them and even then I am not completely an open book. I don't make friends easily. The friends I have I have known for years, A LOT of years. We go thru ups and downs together and I am grateful for my friends because I am not an easy person to deal with. I am honest but sometimes my honesty comes off rude and judging. I don't judge everyone has the right to make their own decisions but if you ask my opinion about something I tell you exactly how I feel about it. Sometimes my opinion causes fights between my friends and myself but we never fight for long. I am always there for my friends and they are considered family in my eyes, but if you fuck me over too many times I will tell you were to go and forgiving I may do easy but getting my trust back is another thing. When I say I am done with someone that's it. That means I gave you countless times to make it up to me and all you have done is dug your grave. I am not a nice person I am also hard on people. That's because I feel people don't learn from kindness people need that firm hand in life that will be brutally honest with them and I have no problem filling those shoes. No one ever babied me nothing was ever handed to me and I feel like I'm a stronger person for that. People that have had everything handed to them don't know how to live on their own (truly on there own). I'm not saying these people haven't went thru hard times I'm saying that when life gets hard they turn to others to make it easier. Most my friends are like this and they don't even realize it. All my friends have went thru hard times in one way or another, I mean harder situations then most people could handle, they are all strong in their own ways. All my friends are helpful to me in one way or another. I feel like I am the mother type to my friends. I am the one that tells them that was a stupid idea while I let them cry it off on my shoulder. So as hard on my friends as I am they know I care and that I am the way I am and it all makes sense in the end. I'm not a religious person by know means (some of my friends are) yet I believe in astrology and I believe no matter what religion you are YOU have the power to change things. No matter what "GOD" you may or may not believe in we should all be understanding to each others beliefs. How does this have anything to do with my friends you may ask well my friends and I are of all different backgrounds and yet we never fight about religion, race, sexual preference, or any other thing that keeps people separated. We are who we are and we just accept each other as we are. Family isn't always blood it is love for people that may be different then you and that not mattering. So to all the people I call my true friends I love you and thank you for dealing with my crazy all these years. 

I Don't Handle Loss Well

I LOST MY FRIEND TODAY! 

R.I.P. Darrick Flippo

I lost my friend today and I don't know what to do. I have not cried yet only because I have kept myself busy and kept my mind off it. But the day will come and I will break down. I don't think people understood how much I cared for Darrick. He was my friend but there was more to us only he understood it so it is pointless to explain it. It wasn't romantic love but it wasn't like brother sister either. It was more then all that. Oh well I don't like talking about all this so I'm gonna end this by saying........... Whatever is on the other side for us I know I will see you there because only a place full of my friends would I want to be. See you in the next life. Love you my dear friend!

If you want to help fund his funeral please click the link below or share it with others thank you so much for any support

Final arrangements

You Can't Fix Stupid

WHY?

Why ask for my advice if you are just going to ignore it? Sometimes I think people do things just because they know it won't work out. It's like they need the drama in their life or something. I am not that type of person! When someone talks to me about something I am straightforward and honest about the subject. Sugar coating things won't help the problem it only hides it under a sugar coated lie. Sensitive people shouldn't ask for my advice on things because if you are being stupid about things I will tell you that you are being dumb with no hesitation. My friends should know this by now yet they are surprised when I tell them the brutal honest truth. I know that anyone that is on my FB is gonna be like "OMG she is bitching about this again" as you roll your eyes but no matter how many times I talk about this people don't seem to grasp how mean my honesty can seem. So my question is, WHY come to me for advice? You can't handle what I say, you are always upset by my advice and comments. I have to come to realize I am a pretty good judge of character, meaning I can tell what a person is like by knowing very little about them. I know that sounds judging but it's not I give everyone a chance to prove me wrong. I will be honest with my friends about how I feel about their significant others or their friends they introduce me to and 9 times out of 10 my first impression is the right one. So with a track record of 9 out of 10 you would think people would listen to me a little more when they ask my advice about people. They don't thou then I am the shoulder they cry on and they get pissed when I say "told you so". I don't do sappy comfort well I'm more of a "man up and move on" kind of person. Dwelling on the past doesn't fix things. Picking yourself up and proving that you are the strong one is the best solution. Don't let someone else be in control of your happiness! I'm not saying that I don't cry or let things get to me but I don't let it control my life or dictate my actions. I never punish others for what one person has done to me. Mistakes many make is putting your "guard" up and punishing others for what one person did. Everyone is their own person don't make them pay for the actions of others. This all may make me sound like a hard ass but in reality I'm a hopeless romantic that has amazing dreams of how life, love, and happiness should be. I just don't see the need to show my "soft" side to the world. Weakness is not an option in my book. be careful who you show your weaknesses because people will exploit them and then you are just a gullible dumb ass. Gullible is an insult in my book just like being called a sheep. If I ever use these words to describe you then know they are insults in my book. I'm not getting too much into those words because it will stir up fights with people of different beliefs and thats not what I want. So I am gonna end on the note, Thanks for reading Peace out people until next time.

Control!

I sometimes let the littlest things get to me. I worry about things I have no control over. I don't know how to just stop thinking about things and move on. Once my mind is set on something it's almost impossible to change my mind. This can be a good thing but most the time it's a bad thing. I push people away and alienate myself from the world just so I can be alone with my thoughts. When I do this is when people seem to bug me the most. I don't understand why people can't just stop asking "are you ok" or "do you wanna talk about it". NO! I don't want to talk about it because it's none of your business. So I'll just blog and vent it's not like anyone ever comments because it's so hard to make a Google+ account so that you can. I don't care if I have a million comments or none. I'm not doing this blog for you guys I'm doing it for me. All of this is why I only have a few friends (oh and the fact that I don't trust ppl) and I don't even talk to them half the time about my problems. I have the tendency to work things out in my head and on paper/online. Whatever works right? Lol well peace out online people until next time.